This summer, I’ll be living alone for about five weeks. It’s been about four years since I’ve lived alone, and in that time I haven’t been on my own for more than half a day or so.
I didn’t grow up as a very independent person. As an only child, my parents were quite protective of me and were there to help me with almost any challenge I encountered. France has been the only place where I’ve truly faced my difficulties on my own.
Now that I’m married, I depend too much on my husband to do various things for me that I don’t feel like doing or that I think that I can’t do.
Since I have this time on my own, I’ve decided to take full advantage of my summer. Every moment and every opportunity that comes my way, I will enjoy.
I’m very proud to say that I did this from the day that Ivan left even though I was very sad and anxious. On the first day, this Monday,
- I mailed an official letter,
- Deposited checks at our new bank with no help from staff since only the machines were open,
- Stopped by to try and change my phone service, and
- Joined the gym.
Several of these were things that I normally would put off doing or that Ivan would take care of for me or that I would want him to come with me to do.
I can’t say that it will be a quick or simple change to make permanent in our relationship since falling into routine is the easiest thing to do, but if I don’t carve out my own independent identity for myself, when am I going to do it?
Since I want to become a mother in the next year or so, it’s really important to me not to build my identity around my children. How can I have a solid foundation for that if my current identity is based on my relationship with my husband?
Things to think about 😉
At the end of the day, I got to Skype with a close friend and went to out to the movies with a group that one of my good French friends organized. The movie is a beautifully-shot film called Brothers of the Wind or L’aigle et l’enfant.
Though the story was a bit predictable, it was touching nonetheless, and the wilderness and wildlife footage were breathtaking.
However, I was touched most of all that my good friend told me that if it was too difficult being alone at the house, I could come and stay with her for a few days.
More to come. Wish me luck!